How to Move on From a Relationship?
Breakups are painful, but we always have a choice. This experience can make us stronger or create a horrible ghost of a past relationship that will negatively affect our lives for a really, really long time. It may seem that it’s harder to cope with negative emotions and heal a broken heart if you had a long-term relationship, but in fact, there are cases where even a short-term or long-distance relationship hurts even more.
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In this post, we’re going to talk about the healing process in detail and provide tips that work both for those who met their partner in high school and those who had a long-distance relationship with someone they met on online dating sites.
How to Move on From a Relationship?
How to cope with breaking up with someone you love? Here are some practical tips for everyone who’s trying to survive a breakup. Some can seem simple, and some aren’t that pleasant or inspiring, but they’ll definitely work if you are dedicated enough and understand why exactly you’re doing it.
- Maintain the distance
The most common mistake people who try to get rid of negative emotions and a sense of loss make is an attempt to pretend it’s not over and just transformed into another type of relationship. Relationships end, and in 99% of cases, those who keep talking and meeting regularly, in particular, for casual sex, just prolong the period of recovery.
- Don’t spend months trying to figure out what exactly went wrong
When a relationship ends, we analyze it, and it’s completely normal. We understand the mistakes we’ve made and the wrong choices we made to move forward and be happy in future relationships. However, you need to realize all the problems and move on. But note that starting dating again without completely letting go of a previous relationship is not a good idea, and it will not help you heal faster.
- Get support at a critical moment, but don’t completely rely on others
Meet your friends and family and share your feelings with them. It’s completely normal to look for support after a break-up, but keep in mind that it’s just a stage, and it shouldn’t last for too long, not only because it can start bothering others, but also because you are the only person who can get rid of your emotional baggage. Others can help, but they can’t heal you. No one but you can do it.
- Focus on self-development
Remind yourself that even without a partner, you are you. Focus on your everyday life, aim at getting a better version of yourself, do what you always wanted to do, and enjoy achieving your goals. Both a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one can end one day, and it’s important to remember you still have that inner self and inner strength—a failed relationship doesn’t change that.
- Don’t think a new relationship will fix everything immediately
In a rebound relationship, things are getting worse, not better. New feelings are great, but only if you are ready for them. Listen to yourself to understand whether you can get close to someone else once again and that your ex won’t be the third person in the room.
- Get rid of the image of another person you’ve created in your head
It’s especially important for those who’ve met online. It doesn’t matter who you were dating, a Latin girl you met on TheLuckyDate LATAM, a Slavic girl you met on UkraineBride4You, or a girl living in a neighboring city you met on Tinder—the rarer we meet our partners, the more we imagine. Get rid of those images and dreams—that’s the only way to move on.
And remember that self-compassion and self-respect are really important—if they are a part of the healing process, you’ll recover really fast. However, don’t confuse them with self-pity. Yes, a bad thing happened to you, and that also happened to most people who have ever had romantic relationships—give yourself some time to grieve and move forward.
When to End a Relationship?
If you are in a relationship right now and aren’t sure if you should stay in it, take a look at this list of signs to end a relationship. Each of them proves that when some relationships end, it’s for the best.
- There’s a lot of criticism in your relationship—one of the partners or both are constantly telling what’s wrong with another partner
- One of the partners is superior to another person
- There is no trust in your relationship, you always check what another partner’s doing, can’t create space for yourself, and feel like someone’s always controlling you or you try to control another person yourself
- You feel lonely despite being with your partner
- Your inner critic is talking louder and louder and you feel bad about yourself all the time
- Your relationship is mostly based on beautiful memories of the past, nothing good happens now
Feel that self-compassion to take the step you should take—if your relationship makes you feel unhappy, it’s time to end it. It won’t be easy in any case, but it’s worth it.
What to Say to End a Relationship?
Ending a relationship is sometimes harder than surviving a breakup. We don’t want to hurt the feelings of someone who was important to us, we feel guilty, and that’s completely normal. Here is the essential rule for initiating a breakup—don’t expect it to be easy. There’s no magic that would turn this really challenging and sometimes heartbreaking task into something pleasant and easy. Paradoxically, recognizing it will help you accept the reality, start that hard conversation and move on from your past relationship. As for more specific advice, here are some tips that will help you write a final speech and break up respectfully.
- Do it in real life
- Don’t play the blame game—don’t blame your partner or yourself for anything
- Don’t give too many details—you need to clearly state you want to end a relationship and give a clear reason
- Don’t give hope or a reason to return—’we’ll keep in touch’ and ‘let’s be friends’ is what make people think that there are still chances to save the relationship
- Show that you care and that’s not easy for you
- Mention the positive aspects of your partner’s influence and say you’re grateful
- Never mention your previous conflicts and don’t use them as the cause of your breakup—not giving any reasons is better than shaming your partner, arguing, and protesting
Final Thoughts
No matter if you had a good or bad past relationship, survived a toxic relationship, broke up with your former partner, or were dumped, the best thing you can do for yourself is to develop healthy habits, care about your mental health, and start focusing on the future instead of the past. If you understand that your past relationship experiences are traumatizing, they can prevent you from moving on, and will negatively affect your future relationships, get professional help and advice.