Counterintuitive Pros and Cons of Marrying Someone from Another Country

If you fall in love with a mail order bride, will a list of potential risks make you reconsider getting married? And if you aren’t in love, no number of potential benefits can make you pop the question. I’m not here to sway you either way. Instead, my goal is to prepare you for living with a foreign partner and make your relationship strong enough to weather any storm.

Pros and Cons of Marrying Someone from Another Country

I won’t touch the “good wife who does everything you tell her to do” stereotype with a ten-foot pole. If that’s what you expect from a foreign wife, you’d better reevaluate your life choices and do some research.

But if you understand that marrying someone from another country isn’t the same as fulfilling your unattainable dreams, here’s what you can expect: the good and the bad.

Pros:

You live with someone wonderful. So many people settle down for “okay” partners just because they live close and aren’t too annoying. International dating unlocks an endless dating pool with millions of gorgeous, smart, and interesting people.
Your life is never the same. It’s true for any marriage, but especially so for international households. You’ll have to adapt, find compromises, and get used to a new cuisine, which means you’ll never get bored.
You’ll learn so much about yourself and the world. International marriage will make you step outside your comfort zone, visit other countries, meet new people, and change in ways no one can predict. In most cases, those changes will make your life better and you happier.

Cons:

Talking is harder when you don’t speak the same language. Even if your partner is a fluent English speaker, she may not catch the double meaning, puns, or subtle connotations. And a poor word choice can lead to many more arguments and misunderstandings than you’d have with a local spouse.
You’ll face constant questions, doubts, and ill-advised comments from your circle. Your friends and family will be the first to oppose your wish to marry a foreigner. They’ll ridicule the idea, question your sanity, and treat your partner with suspicion. It can ruin your relationships and marriage if you don’t manage to get the negativity under control.
Your in-laws can become a constant presence even across the ocean. Many Asian, Latin, and Slavic cultures have powerful family ties. Your wife will want to stay in touch and visit her family often. It’s not just expensive, but it can also get pretty annoying fast, especially when you’re stuck in a room full of people speaking a language you don’t understand.

Of course, it’s not a complete list of international marriage pros and cons. But these are the common sentiments I hear from guys who married foreign women. In the end, none of the drawbacks are deal breakers, especially if you’re prepared to handle them. After all, no relationship is perfect or guaranteed to succeed. Even if you marry a local orphan girl your friends and family love, your marriage can fall apart just as easily as an international relationship. Or it can last decades.

Disadvantages of Marrying Someone from a Different Culture No One Tells You About

It’s the little things that can ruin a multicultural marriage.

First, you can’t compare your disastrous prom dates and laugh about them, because there were no proms in your partner’s school.

Then, you have to learn to take off your shoes when getting home because it’s polite in your partner’s culture.

Finally, she doesn’t laugh at your references to Star Wars, Fight Club, or The Shining.

It all comes down to the different cultural and social contexts you come from. They make it difficult to compare your experiences and find common ground. It may not seem important, but when the tiny issues pile up, they can leave you feeling disconnected. From there, it’s one step to mutual resentment and separation.

It’s a good thing that a simple shift in perspective can resolve most of these troubles. Instead of trying to build your relationship based on similar past experiences, dial your curiosity to eleven and look for differences, like you’re conducting a cultural study. Most importantly, look for ways to build common experiences going forward.

So what if your partner doesn’t get your movie references?

Watch them together, and she’ll learn! Buy yourself matching pairs of fuzzy slippers to make fun of at home. And set aside one night a week for a date night that’ll put your prom to shame.

How to Make Your International Marriage Happy

You’ll be disappointed to know there’s no magic pill to make your marriage happy. But two things are guaranteed to improve any relationship, and those are quality time together and communication.

First, you need to spend time together. Sleeping in the same bed or binge-watching Netflix are a good start, but you’re looking for pastimes that prompt strong (preferably positive) emotions.

Think back and consider what you remember from the last year (or month, or week). The times you feel mad, annoyed, or excited stand out most in your memory, right? Our brain is wired that way. And the stronger emotions you feel when you’re together, the stronger your marriage will be.

How Do You Do That?

Make a list of things that make both of you happy and try to check at least one point a week. Take out your collection of board games to see whose competitive streak is wider. Try karaoke or dancing. Take a cooking class together or eat ice cream in the middle of the night in the dead of winter.

And talk! Listen, too. The key to staying on the same page is understanding what type of conversation you’re having. According to Charles Duhigg, the author of “Supercommunicators”, people want to be helped, hugged, or heard. So, if your partner just wants to vent, listen and nod, instead of offering unsolicited advice. And in my experience, hugs never hurt any conversation. It’s so simple, but it works every time, and not just in international marriages, either.

Final Thoughts

Sure, dating and marrying someone from another country isn’t the same as getting together with your high school sweetheart. It takes more courage, curiosity, and patience. You’ll have to adopt new habits, learn to understand each other’s languages, and settle a thousand tiny compromises every day. But if you find the right person who makes you happy, all your hard work will be worth it.

Explore more insights from Dorie Barton in her latest blog posts:

Dorie Barton

Dorie Barton is a renowned bridal expert with over two decades of experience in wedding planning, bridal fashion, floral design, and event coordination. She has been featured in top industry publications such as Brides, The Knot, and Martha Stewart Weddings, and has earned awards including "Wedding Planner of the Year". Through years of working closely with engaged couples, she has also become a trusted marriage expert, with deep insights into marriage dynamics, emotional compatibility, and the psychology of long-term commitment.

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